Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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