Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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