He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
