An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
