ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fuck appropriateness.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
