are you so shy because you have an std?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
