U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
