Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
