So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
