Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
