the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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