the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
