eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize