I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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