there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
