her vagine was all disorganized.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
