Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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