Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
