College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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