I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
