dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
