the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
