im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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