Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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