covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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