my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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