I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
