i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
