I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
