FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
