Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
