apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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