I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
