dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
