i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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