an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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