he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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