what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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