is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
