Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
