There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
