Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
