you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So much rum. So many feels.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
