dude i'm inner monologue high
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
