My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
