How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
