the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
