this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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