Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
