I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
