dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
