Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Found your dick twin last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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