I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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