i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
