I can tuck mytits in my pants
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize