Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
