Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
