you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
