Already got asked if we're dating
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
