Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
