why didn't you poke me back
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
