Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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