How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
As shirtless as possible
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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