im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
