I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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