remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
