You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
