they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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