Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
