hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
