I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
