I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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