In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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