made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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