i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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