You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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