Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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