I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
