If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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