2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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