She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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