It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
