did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
