I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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