i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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