like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
