I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
