Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
