Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
