I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
