I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
