I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
