I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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