I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
