he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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