hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
