I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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