For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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