I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
