I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
