hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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