Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my being single is dangerous.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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