Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
