just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
