i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize