Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize