I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
