I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
